


Three Times

by shipperman



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Gen, Group B, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-31 05:24:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipperman/pseuds/shipperman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ava is forced to give her own son to the tests. It's the right thing to do, she knows. These are three times she regretted her decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ava tried to avoid it.

She was the first person to oppose the immunes in the tests. She argued that it would confuse the brain patterns, that the information might be misleading and they didn’t have that many immunes to use in every part of the process.

Half of the scientist agreed with her.

But none of them had the same selfish reasons. Now that she had failed, it was only a matter of time until they called her out to discuss Henry.

 

*           *           *

 

“Ms. Paige, he is a fit candidate for the trials” the man said, for the tenth time, and yet she wasn’t sure.

Of course she saw how that was a hypocrite of her part. If it was the only logical and possible outcome, she had to agree with it. After all, she was the one hunting children for the experiment.

“But…” she hesitated “He is my only son” she said, begging, in a way that only desperate mothers can. At that moment, she would gladly submit herself to the trials instead of her son. “I can’t let go of him” she blinked fast, to try to get rid of the tears forming up in the corner of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Paige, but it’s necessary” the man closed his files and stood up.

He walked to the door, reached for the doorknob and hesitated. He wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for him to give his own opinions on the case, but considering that he had just informed a mother that her son would have to go through several and damaging situations, he sighed and turned back to her.

“I wish I could do something for you, Ava, I really do” he shook his head “I really wanted to get him out of this. But I can’t. You know I can’t. Especially when he is such a great candidate, he could even be _the final candidate”_ he said as if would be the greatest honour.

Ava knew what it meant. She hoped he wouldn’t be.

“Please, leave me” she asked, turning away from the door, facing the window in her office. “I need some time alone” her voice sound empty and about to crack.

“As you wish” he nodded and left in silence, feeling horrible for being the one to get these horrible news out.

 

*           *           *

 

She didn’t cry at her office. _I’ll be strong. He’ll need me strong_. She thought over and over, until it was time to go back home. She drove steady as she could. _Strong_ , she reminded herself. _Strong. Strong. Strong._

He was on the porch, waiting for her, like he did every day.

She saw his little face lighting up when the car parked in the driveway. And it broke her. Finally she cried. And she couldn’t leave the car, or to do anything at all. She could only think about the horrible things that her little boy would be forced to get through. And she couldn’t stand it. She hated the idea of it. But most of all, she hated that she was involved in it.

“Henry, I’m going to need you to do something” she kneeled, holding his shoulders, refusing to let go of him.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” he interrupted her, as the silent tears made their way through her face. “Are you sad?”

“I’m going to need you” she shook her head, trying to focus “You’ll help a lot of people ok? But this means you’ll have to go away. You won’t be able to live here anymore”

“I don’t want to get away from you” he cried and jumped on her, hugging her neck. It took everything in her to not run away with him in that exact moment. “I want to be with you, Mommy”

“Yes, my baby” she hugged him, holding his tiny body close to her “But you’ll still be around me. You’ll be at work with me. Don’t you like to go to my work? You’ll be there with me everyday” she said all at once, afraid that if she took any pause she would give up.

“Ok” he let go of her, considering. He had already been to WICKED headquarters a few times, and as much as any kid, he loved his mother’s job. “You’ll be with me there?” he asked, adjusting to the idea.

“Yes” she nodded, holding his face in her hands “Yes, I’ll be with you”

“Okay” he agreed, and even gave a little smile.

She never forgot that one smile. It was the only one that was burnt to her head, even after the end of the trials.

 

*           *           *

 

“HENRY, THEY ARE HERE” she called out.

“I’m here” he ran down the stairs, with an orange backpack, and a bright smile. “I’m ready, let’s go” now he sounded really excited about this idea. It had been only two days since she told him, but he grew to love the idea so fast it was scaring. Now Ava felt like there was nothing left to be done.

They sat side by side in the white WICKED van. She never took the van to work, but she said she wanted to be with him until the very end. Mostly because during the tests there would be very little chances to see him.

Henry barely could hold his excitement on the way. Ava barely could keep herself together.

They got there too quickly, Ava thought. And she hated it. Now that it was close to happening, she couldn’t deal with it anymore. She considered once again running away. She knew she was immune and Henry too. They could do it. Run away, live in another city, smaller, easier to hide.

But she thought about the bigger picture, the world needing them. And she knew she would never do it. She wasn’t that selfish. She couldn’t be.

 

*           *           *

 

“Ok, be good ok?” she held him again. Kissing his cheek. “I’ll come to check out for you tomorrow, ok?” she didn’t cry this time. She was sure she had dried all her tears the night before, in her pillow.

“Ok, Mommy” he smiled again, and stood on his tiptoes, to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you”

“I love you too” she smiled down at him.

She watched as he was taken away, holding the hand of a blond man in a white coat. He turned back to wave at her. His bright smile over his face again.

She waved goodbye to him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“He’ll be launched today” Mara, her assistant informed.

There was no need for names or more specific words. Ava knew what she was talking about, because she couldn’t forget.

“Today” Ava agreed, as if she wasn’t aware before. As if she wasn’t counting the days to this moment. As if she didn’t fear for the life of her son more than her own.

Finally he would be sent up to the maze, which meant that the trials were reaching the final part. Soon the ending would be triggered, and it would all be over. But she worried.

She worried about the creatures in the maze, she worried how well he would do, if he would survive in such a wild place. She had watched the Maze for days and days before, imagining how would feel to see his face coming up in the elevator, confused as he is dragged out and brought to earth, like a birth again. But this time he wouldn’t have no one to take care of him. He would have to deal with all himself. And the burden he’d had to carry. She wondered if he was ready for it. Not that he had a choice…

“You’ll be down there to watch?” the woman asked, hesitantly, holding her clipboard to her chest. “I’ll save you a place, if you want”

Ava thought for a second. She was watching when he said goodbye to the final subjects, watching the cameras. He wasn’t aware of that. They had lost contact long before that. She was in the room when they deleted his memories. She saw his weak body in that white room, in a silent sleep. It happened only one day before, but she couldn’t forget the look in his eyes. The last look she ever got from _Henry._ Now he had a new name. He wasn’t her son anymore. He was just another part of a big machine.

“Yes” she nodded, agreeing “Yes, I will be there” she promised, and hoped he could feel it. Hoped he could sense in some way that she would be with him, in this moment that was so important. Like she promised, Ava would never let him go. “I’ll be there for him”

 

She sat, above the crowd. The launchings were very popular among the scientists. It was the only actual event that proved that everything they were studying, everything they thought and suggested and planned and worked for was to actually provide results. The Maze was their only chance. Every person in the building decided to go down to watch it.

There was a balcony, looking straight at the glass window where the big names in WICKED gathered. Ava was in the first row, right in the middle. But instead of discussing the possibilities and the outcomes of the Maze and how successful the experiment was so far, she was silent and alone. Nobody came to her, and she was glad.

She watched him. They laid him on a bed with perfectly white sheets, dressed in those simple and pale clothes. He could imagine he was just sleeping. She could imagine that if she was down there and woke him up, he would hug her and smile. But she knew that she meant nothing for him anymore. And that was even worse.

Dr. Marcus would be the responsible for his launching. Which meant that it would be long and boring. He had a passion for long speeches. Ava stopped paying attention somewhere between the conception of the maze and the structural plans. She wanted to cry again, but couldn’t. She was already conformed to the idea. She just hoped he made out alive. She hoped his time in the Maze followed everything that they planned. If it all worked out, in less than a week he would be safe here again. At least for a while.

Finally, when she was too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention, Dr. Marcus finished his presentation. She took a deep breath.

She watched as they put him in the center of the elevator, laying his lifeless body carefully, placed the piece of paper in his hands and closed the door. It was all done and ready. Some kid, probably not much older than Henry pressed a green button, and the siren was loud enough to be heard, even here, way down the Maze.

“Are you alright?” Mara sat by her side, placing one hand on her shoulder.

Ava took a deep breath. “I’ll be okay” she nodded. Gladly, everyone on the headquarters understood how terrible it was to her, and they made it easy.

“Let’s go” she stood up, offering a hand to Ava. “Let’s watch the cameras” she suggested, trying not to sound very excited about it. Which she failed, but Ava pretended she didn’t see it.

 

They walked, following the crowd of people. Even though most of them couldn’t get inside the Cameras Room, they crowded the door, watching on a big screen, Henry inside the elevator. However, inside the room, they had access to all the cameras in the Maze. They watched, simultaneously, Henry in the elevator and the girls in the Maze, waiting in an organized line by the elevator’s door.

Ava took a deep breath. _He’s alive._ She thought, reassuring herself, _He is still alive._ She watched as the elevator went up, and he was still on the floor, peaceful, like he was sleeping. _It will all be okay, my boy_ , she thought, wishing he could hear her. _I promise I won’t let you get hurt._ And she meant it.

She offered her son to the experiment, but it didn’t mean that she would let him die, if there was anything in her power that she could do to stop that. Even if it meant that she would ruin the experiment. _He’s my only son. We have plenty others subjects. We can do it all over again._ She thought. And, for once, the woman sure that she was selfish enough to do that.

Ava heard the elevator making a loud noise, as it came to a stop. Holding her breath, feeling her heart in her throat, and her hands sweaty, she waited.

Finally there was a line of light, coming from the roof of the elevator. She watched at another screen two girls, who she couldn’t remember their real names anymore, because it was far too long ago, peeking out at the elevator. She watched as the two of them descended and picked up his body, tying in the ropes, pulling him out.

“And now, we wait” Mara said, without looking away from the screens.

Ava kept her silence. She had no other thing to do. All that was left was to mourn the death of her son, even though he was still alive. Thankfully. She waited a little more, but it was hard to watch. It was hard to see someone so close to her become a completely new person. She couldn’t do it.

She left, pushing anyone from her way. She didn’t care who they were. The only person she cared didn’t even knew who he was anymore. And it hurt her, it hurt to see him being nothing but a blank canvas. _How on earth I let them do this to my son?_ She asked herself, as she left, walking through corridors, without a place to go. _Why did I let them do this?_ The tears finally came.


	3. Chapter 3

She watched him, closely, for every second of every wake moment.

The cameras in her desk were always concentrated on Henry, _No, not Henry. Aris.,_ she was still having trouble assimilating that he wasn’t her little boy anymore. And maybe she didn’t want to give him up.

“How is he?” She asked, stopping by the desk, and watched the blue screens, where his brain was mapped every second.

“Exactly like half an hour ago, ma’am” the girl said, shaking her head slightly. “He’s _fine._ You don’t’ need to worry. This is a controlled experiment.” She said, tranquilizing Ava.

Everybody in WICKED headquarters knew that she was forced to put her own son into the Maze, into the Trials. Ever since she had been given looks of pity and silent apologies. It’s true, it had only been a day since he was launched into the Maze, but he had been prepareted for it since he was six. And now he was distant from her, and shw couldn’t save him, like she did many times.

She watched the screen and saw him waking up.

“It’s beginning”, she whispered. “Everybody hold places, Group B is triggered. Prepare to set the Maze in motion” her eyes glued to the screen, as if she could protect him just by the sheer force of her thoughts.

_He’ll be fine, Ava_ , they said over and over again, since Phase Four. But she knew it wasn’t truth. Even if he survived the Maze, even if he crossed the Scorch, it would mean that he _was_ the Final Candidate. And that was a darker fate than she was ready to face. If it meant that she could protect Henry, she would do anything. Like any mother, she would let the world burn if it meant to save her only child.

She watched closely as the girls locked him up, and questioned him with harsh words. She watched as Rachel crouched to his cage and whispered secrets to him in the middle of the night. She heard his mind speaking with Teresa in Group A, and them, both of them, so young and so confused. So hopeless and not knowing where to go. She watched as the Maze crumbled down, and everything that those hard-working girls build fell apart with it. She watched, with her heart heavy, as they blamed him, her little boy, for their tragic fate. She watched as they decided to feed him to the Grievers, as if a sacrifice could save him. There was a spark of hope when Rachel propose to fight instead of selling him out, and Ava never felt more grateful for that little red-headed girl.

 

“They are coming” Leia whispers.

She had been on hold, waiting for this moment ever since the Maze was triggered. Ava considers that Group B’s effort is remarkable, and that Group A is still far from reaching the end of the Maze Trials. And that can only give her hope. Hope that maybe he will make it through, and in the end he will get his memories back and realize she only did that to save the worl. She was doing it for a bigger cause, and it almost killed her to do so. She could only hope.

There is a thick glass separating her from them, and it would do very little if there was a riot. They fall in line, organized, weapons in hand, in formation, ready to attack anything in sight, anything remotely dangerous. They have been through so much and she can’t blame them. She just hopes everything will fall right. As Beth wanders in, she holds her breath.

The plan is only made until that point. This moment is decisive in the Trials.

Right now, Ava knows that in the Advanced Examination Department, they are closely studying every brain in that room, and _who_ should die. It could be Henry. It could be any of the girls. Ava can’t know. She designed the algorithm, and she made sure it was working. And now she can’t watch it. As soon as Beth raises her gun, Ava closes her eyes.

The gun shot is loud, and even trough the glass, sounds final.

She feels a warm hand on her shoulder. She knows it wasn’t the worst. Her heart quiets a little. But the relief that she feels when she open her eyes and see him there, alive and standing, covered in mud and dirt, but alive and well… she can’t quite explain.

She see the black figures taking them away, and in a way she is glad they’ll have a little break. She hopes Group A takes a long time to finish the Maze, so they’ll be able to live, peacefully, for a while. And then she curses herself for such selfish thought. _You’re a scientist, Ava. You search for results and acomplishments. Feelings cannot interfere in your work, otherwise you’ll be nothing but a sad excuse of a woman._ She hates that she is torn in two.

Back to the Camera Room, back to surveillance.

It feels weird, but she watches him at night, when he sleeps alone in that big bedroom. She feels closer to him. As if the distance could be ended by just extending her hand and touching his face, _You’ll be okay, my baby, I promise I’ll save you,_ she would say, over and over, until he fell asleep.

 

_Group A is ready, ma’am,_ the words echoes in her head. She is, now, worried about all of them. Over forty children, subjects as other would put, but for her they are merely children, forced to use their lives in a pointless mission to see if ayone of the is fit to try and save the world. And they don’t even have a choice. It’s not the first time she doubts the quality of the WICKED ideals. She watches from the distance as the story evolves and they fight. As Aris go trought th flat-train, she holds her breath again.

It wasn’t a success, and she is aware. The program was completely on her hands, and, considering the variables, it wen’t a lot out of hand. But now she has all of the subjects again, and it’s time to let them now.

*           *           *

She recorded a video, played reight after the small brain operation.

_You must be vey disoriented right now, and I am sorry for it. You just received your memories back, or better put, they just been released again, because they were never taken from you. This study, the Maze, the Scorch, was a long trial in order to decide wich one of you is the fittest to save our world. We’ve been thrown into poverty and sickness, sadness and destruction. WICKED is trying to save our world, and we are putting all of our efforts in order to do our best. You must believe us. Many of you, most of you, volunteered to work for WICKED organizations, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. WICKED has been put under a bad light recently, but I assure you, it still is one of the most respectable companies of the Remaning World. I do ask you all for a favor: I want you to look back in your memories, I want you to go deep in in your brains, and find something you really care. And you think about that someone. And if, in their name, you decided to stay and join our project, you’re welcome. If not, you’re free to leave, we don’t see the need to keep hostages. Thank you._

*           *           *

She wouldn’t mention that to them, that the memories block had several collateral effects, and it wasn’t ready for market yet, and if many of those boys didn’t wake up, it’s because of it. She saw Aris waking up, sitting on his bed, in the middle of the night.

She could hear his uneven breaths

“I don’t know”

“Try”

“You’re someone important, aren’t you?”

“I’m Ava Paige. I’m the coordinator”

“I’m Aris… I think” he hesitates “I used to have other name” his face closes in concentration “I can’t remember.” He shakes his head, giving up. “My head aches’

“Maybe you should sit down”, she suggests, too hopeful

And she sees his eyes, wide in realization, and she knows that he remembers. And she is so glad of it, so incredibly glad that for a moment the disgusted look that takes over his face is ignored by her.

“You” he says, hesitantly

“Me” she nods, embarrassed “I only tried to do my best” she explains, but he stands up before she can say anything.

“I have to go”

“HENRY, WAIT!”

But he doesn’t listen, just crosses the door, and don’t look back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, standing by his side. “I never meant to hurt you”

“I know” three days have been enough.

“It’s so good to have you back” she whispers and he smiles.

He won’t tell her, but there isn’t a catastrophe in the world that would make him believe any word that comes out of her mouth. And he hates that. And he can’t her. He has the distant memory of loving her one day.


End file.
